Another PSLE result release day

Yesterday, I joined 38,088 parents to wait for their child’s PSLE result. The experience was an emotional roller coaster.

Worries of a parent about PSLE result

Exactly six years ago, I wrote the blog post “Thoughts from the release of PSLE results”. That was for my elder child who was sitting for her A-level exam this year. Time flies. Yesterday was the PSLE result release day for the younger one.

Experiencing the same thing for the second time, I didn’t feel more relaxed. On the contrary, I was two times more nervous this round. In fact, I was never anxious about the public exam results of my elder daughter. Because I know that she would be doing fine. But this time, it was more terrifying than receiving my own public exam results.

In this part of Singapore we reside, we have two very good secondary schools which have a very demanding PSLE score cutoff point. There is a third one asking for a more reasonable score. The rest are accepting students with PSLE scores that barely qualify to enter a secondary school.

Unfortunately, my child’s school preliminary exam score missed the cutoff point of the third school. If her PSLE result has the same score, she either joins one of the not-so-good schools nearby, or goes to a secondary school very far away from home.

The four-year secondary school is the teenage years when kids are highly influenced by their peers. What if she joins a not-so-good school and ends up mixing with the wrong crowd?

The teachers keep saying that one’s PSLE score is not the most important. But a low score will no doubt affect the child’s self-confidence and interest in learning.

Positive non-interference parenting style

I grew up in a public housing estate in Hong Kong. It was very similar to an HDB rental flat neighborhood. The children there had a lot of freedom.

After school, there was no tuition or extra class. From primary school to university days, apart from a mix of new and second-hand textbooks, I had never had a single assessment book.

When we were in primary school, every day after we finished homework, we would go outside and look for any child who’s free to play, including strangers regardless of their age and gender. Around dinner time we would go home.

By coincidence, my husband is also very chilled. He doesn’t believe in tuition too. Naturally, we adopt a “positive non-interference” policy in our parenting. After homework is done, our children are free to spend time doing whatever they like. Although they may not be the best academically, they are obviously happier than kids their age.

“Because of my passion in property investment, I have met many smart people and high performers who have achieved success and wealth. Many have done so early in life. Unfortunately, some don’t have good ethics. Some can’t find happiness despite what they have. This changes my perspective of life.

When we had kids, I told my husband that we should set three expectations (and only three). We want them to be healthy, happy, and have good values. Upholding the values of uncompromising integrity and respect is a priority. Academic performance is only secondary.

Unlike her peers, my daughter has never been to any tuition or interest class. Our promise is no tuition if she doesn’t fail. High or low marks, there is no reward, incentive, punishment or consequence.”

– “Thoughts from the release of PSLE results”, PropertySoul.com

Is low PSLE score my fault?

During the Covid years, my younger girl watched a lot of Netflix. Then she indulged in reading English fiction and non-fiction – from heroine stories to everything about World War II.

It was only this year that I began to have this thought: If she is not doing well in PSLE, it is probably my fault. Or maybe, she has the bad gene from me.

“In primary school, my academic results were far from satisfactory. I was always daydreaming. It didn’t help that I have an identical twin sister who was always first in class. I guess it was the result of some uneven distribution of intelligence when we were conceived.”

– “Is IQ important for a successful property investor?”, PropertySoul.com

Nonetheless, despite the initial hiccups I didn’t end up doing too badly. At least I managed to achieve financial independence in another country.

But will my younger daughter go down the same path? As a worried mother, I couldn’t help but study her ziwei doushu (Purple Star Astrology) to look for some hints in her fate.

For the very first time, I wondered whether I should help my girl to prepare for PSLE. But after I took a quick look at the mathematics and science questions, I immediately gave up.

Seeing that the spouse couldn’t help, two to three months before PSLE the daddy started giving personal tuition to the daughter in his spare time.

The only contribution I had this year was to stay home most of the time. After all, a family with good support is not determined by what your home is but who are at home. At least I made efforts to prepare two meals a day on weekdays and cooked the dishes they like.

Watching my daughter receive her result

I hugged and kissed my 12-year-old before going up to wait with other parents at the upper floor gallery of the school hall. Before I left her, I reassured her that I would be proud of her regardless of her PSLE score. My love for her would never change.

In my mind, I kept reciting the lines in Taiwanese illustrator and writer Jimmy Liao’s (幾米) book Don’t blame me, it’s not my fault (我的错都是大人的错):

“When I turn out to be different from your expectations, please love the original me, dote on the original me, and praise the original me.”

Suddenly, I heard the principal announced that the parents could now come downstairs to join their children as the teacher distributed the result slips. However, I noticed that the parents were not moving. They all looked down from the gallery to see the facial expression of their child opening the result booklet before they went down.

Finally, it was my girl’s turn. Same as other parents, I stood still and watched from upstairs. She was holding her result booklet solemnly. A teacher was seen patting her shoulder and comforting her.

My heart sank. The next second I rushed down as fast as I could to come to her rescue.

What an emotional roller coaster!

I called her name at a distance. She turned around with an expressionless look.

“Mommy, I scored …”

“What?”

I checked her slip in disbelief. It was six points better than her school preliminary exam total score. In fact, all four subjects were one or two points better.

Furthermore, since Primary 5 she was in this Maths pull-out class for twenty plus students who couldn’t catch up. Somehow this favorite teacher of my daughter helped her to progress from falling behind to scoring AL 1 for PSLE Maths.

I told her to go thank every teacher who taught her in this amazing neighborhood primary school.

“Why you didn’t look happy when you saw your score?”

“For a while, I didn’t dare to open the booklet. Then my teacher came over and told me not to be afraid and open it. After that, I was just too surprised.”

All of a sudden, I recalled her telling me that some subjects in her school preliminary exam were one or two marks short from the next score. Then last Saturday, we went to the open house of the best secondary school in this part of Singapore. She told me this when we were back home, “Mommy, I like this school. I will be going there next year.”

Why didn’t I believe her?

Lesson learned: Trust your child will shine one day – at their own pace and in their own way.

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